It’s been more than 10 years since we took Mom off life support, it was a heart wrenching decision but made easier because we knew my Mom’s wishes. Would your family know what to do if you could not speak for yourself? My Mom was very clear about what she wanted us to do. We did not follow her wishes exactly but knowing what she wanted helped us make the right decision for her.
My Mom had asthma which became severe as she aged. She always told us that she did not want to be placed on life support if she were to stop breathing. She felt if her body was so exhausted it stopped breathing then it was her time to leave the physical world. She was fiercely independent.
One day my Mom stopped breathing when my sister (also a nurse) was there. She called 911 and started mouth to mouth resuscitation.
When I arrived at the hospital I was surprised to find out Mom was on life support. Then I felt really torn. As a nurse I know that being on a ventilator for a few days can give the lungs a rest and then the patient is weaned off it. However when she stopped breathing 2 years prior she “woke-up” in the ambulance and refused to be put on the ventilator even for a few days.
When my sister and I talked to the MD and told him her wishes he looked very startled at us. “ I think she still has some good years left in her,” was his comment. My Mom was only 72 and I felt like he was judging us for considering doing as she asked.
We asked the MD to do an EEG to see if she had any brain damage from the incident. The test came back very abnormal. Now there was no doubt in our minds what we should do – take her off life support. Even though it was painful because we loved her we knew it was what she wanted. Personally if we had kept her alive, just existing on the machine and not living life, I would have felt guilty.
We took her off the machine and several hours later she took her last breath, it was peaceful and easy. A sense of sadness and calm came over me. She was at peace, her wishes had been carried out and my siblings and I knew we had done the right thing for her.
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Laurie Ratto, RN, Speaker, HTCP, CCA has 30+ years’ experience helping people to heal from physical, mental , and emotional pain. She provides a safe, nurturing space for women to release fears and self-doubt, what spiritually ties us to pain. Laurie Ratto specializes in complementary medicine, as a holistic healer, she keeps her RN certification current because she understands the power of balance as we heal.